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Learning to Confront

Writer's picture: Dr. Peggy KarloskyDr. Peggy Karlosky

Does anyone feel that they are comfortable and healthy with confrontation? I am regularly faced with people avoiding confronting someone when such was needed. I too can so relate. Many, if not most, people I know are not comfortable with confrontation.



Is it because we don’t want to hurt others? Is it because we don’t want anyone to be mad at us? Is it because we don’t want others to not like us? Is it because we think if we confront, it will come back to bite us? Do we think others will retaliate? Do we think it is wrong or mean to confront? Do we think we don’t deserve to confront, like everything is our fault?



Whatever the reason, we will not deal with life in healthy ways, if we never confront. Those who love confrontation are sure not any healthier. If fact, they likely have even more serious problems.



Many who don’t confront, have avoided doing so because they found that nothing good ever came from confronting. Maybe they were given the guilt trip. Maybe they were ridiculed or blamed. Maybe they were hurt, ignored, or in some way made to feel sorry that they ever tried to confront in the first place.



What are some nuggets of truth that help us learn to confront in healthy ways? We need to explore why we are feeling the need to confront. What are our motives? Have we prayed and asked God to show us, lead us, and help us. If we have uncovered that we truly need to confront and that we want good to come from our confrontation, its not over. We need help with our delivery, our timing, and our follow-up. Prayer paves the way for our confrontation and our reactions afterwards.



Not everyone is going to respond to our confrontation in healthy ways. We don’t have power over anyone but ourselves. The Lord sometimes leads us to not confront others, even if we feel they are in the wrong. Other times, we may be led to confront others even though they won’t respond well. Yet, it still may be what God leads us to do. Ether way, He will teach us, lead us, and encourage our efforts.



I find confrontation easier if I think of it as self-disclosure. Instead of saying, “You need to stop telling me what to do.” I may say, “When you keep telling me what I should do, I feel that you don’t trust my ability, that you see me as incompetent.”



The journey to healthy living is just that, an ongoing journey. I encourage you to explore your own pattern in dealing with confrontation. Who or what do you need to confront---or self disclose about?

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